The Now

It felt an awful lot lot spring again today. It was hard to imagine a couple times today that it was really just the end of February and not like the end of April. The sun was out, the temperature was balmy (I saw a 46 degree reading somewhere), the snow was melting, and the kids were soaking wet. By the end of the day I was pretty happy with the second early coming of spring we have had this year.

Part of the reason today was so nice was I had a lot of time with Brooke. We got to go for a sun drenched ski early in the afternoon. Although it was slow it felt a lot like when we were younger skiing together in Colorado. The slight feeling of the past made me realize I have not written any stories of my past wildness or stupidity in some time. Brooke calmly and poignantly commented we may be living more in the present than ever before.

Much of what I have been writing about has been these wonderful moments and times I am having with the boys and the family as a whole. I still sort of pine for the strength and endurance of my past, not to mention the naivety of a healthy body, and although I would trade that for alot I wouldn’t trade it for the time we are all having together recently. Jim and Gayle are both here now. We all had a nice breakfast with Ian this morning. Jim got to listen to me complain about his work (he is doing awesome but I am just really nit picky), Brooke and I got to ski together, Gayle and I got to pick up the boys together, sans Jimbo we had dinner and then we went to junior nordic.

Brooke and I have had many skis together at Kincaid. Tonight was wonderful though as we had Finn who is quite entertaining on his nordic skis. We just sort of putzed around but Brooke and I have probably never gone that slow together anywhere. Taking our time, talking and laughing at Finn was really relaxing. We came upon a snowball fight which Finn had to get involved in. We ended our ski by hearing Liam’s version of trash talking during a snowman building contest (he really needs to work on his competitive side as in his parents opinion he was pretty soft). We all left with smiles on despite our dwindling snow pack.

The realization that part of the reason I haven’t been writing so much about the past is that I am quite fond of the now is unto itself rejuvenating. To think back on my day and what I have done knowing I enjoyed it feels great. I occasionally even start thinking a bit more into the future which as I have mentioned before is scary (in a paranoid way), exciting (in a thankful way), and calming (in a reverting to normalcy way) all at the same time. Doing to much though would mean I could miss out on the now. Writing about today rather than the past though helps me keep this all in focus.

I have maintained though out this adventure that I am not very confident in my writing. I think there are times when I can be somewhat inspirational or even insightful but so much of that comes from being in a, for lack of a better phrase, shitty situation. Some of the best authors seem to have messed up lives and can draw much from those experiences. I am in awe that I could write at times (clearly the depressing moments) but I will gladly accept my mediocrity in spinning tails in exchange for these days of enjoyment.

I guess the wonder of it all is still the simple adage that tough times just make you tougher. Yet, the truth is that even though you may be tougher for your trials you often see and enjoy the sweeter side so much more not only after but as you roll on. I want to take one moment to wish the best of luck to little Phineus Edwards. He has already seen his fair share of tough times. Val and Brent you are doing a wonderful job, we feel for you. Keep your heads up, keep your hearts strong. You too have lots of sweetness ahead. We will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Head Up, Heart Strong. I need a cure.

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