First kisses

The sun is streaming in through my window as I lie here in bed after a short afternoon nap. I have had wonderful day. One of those days where you don’t get much done but it was simple and enjoyable. I woke up a little late, did some stretching, got the kids up and out the door, breakfast with Rob Church, my dad and Brooke, a sunny ski beside Brooke, a late lunch and then a little nap. Who could ever complain about a day like that. The best part was when I laid down to take a nap was that Brooke had a few minutes before heading off to get the boys. She joined me and I fell asleep beside her as she was reading.

The best part of today was getting to spend time with Brooke. So often our lives are still so hectic even as I have more time and energy that we don’t get much time together. As I lay here now thinking about what to write I can’t help thinking how much I enjoy her company. Often in these moments I think about our first kiss and how in light of such a debacle I am amazed she stuck around with me. Now, lots of first kisses are memorable, most for the energy, excitement and lust of the moment. Some lead to wonderful relationships others to fabulous fails in the trap of love. I can think of many kisses Brooke has given me in our life together that were memorable for all the right reasons but our first kiss is not such a kiss.

I have written about meeting Brooke for the first time, me over confident, young and a bit too brash, she was mellow, impressionable and very attractive (still is). I spent quite awhile chasing her trying to get her attention and keep her focus away from the other young men trying to win her eye. Eventually though I realized I thought I actually had a chance. I don’t know if it was the fact I realized I would have to make a move to show her I really liked her or just knowing that maybe she liked me but I suddenly one week got really nervous about being around her. My confidence sort of waivered and the nerves lead to a cold sore right in the middle of my lip.

Now these cold sores are not pretty and I did all I could to keep that sucker under control but none the less it seemed to be a major barrier in any attempt to lay a kiss on a girl I was completely enamored with. After about 4 days the ugliness on my upper lip started to resolve. A weekend rolled around and in line with most weekends a party ensued on a Saturday night at my house. Lots of skiers, lots of bikes, lots of fun and probably to much alcohol for our age group. I remember though I didn’t drink much because I was constantly finding a way to be around Brooke.

Some time late in the night people started wheeling  and walking back toward campus or their own homes. The house slowly calmed back down and I felt like I did everything I could to keep Brooke from leaving. Eventually we found ourselves semi alone (I had four roommates so I doubt we were actually alone) in the living room. I was sitting in a recliner (which I often occupied at the end of a party) and Brooke was laying on the couch (although we loved the couch thinking back we often wonder why anyone laid on it).

I got up the nerve to swivel around and kneel down beside her as we talked. I am sure she knew what I was doing. I am not sure I knew and I do know it wasn’t very smooth. After a few more moments of talking I figured my time was up and I better try kissing her.

Now many of you know that I have a particularly shaky hand. Usually this is because I am nervous. This shake has caused many issues in my life especially being a physician. However I can usually calm it down. On this particular night though not only were my hands shaky I had developed a significant head tremor which likely could have been mistaken for some sort of petit mal seizure.

I can only imagine (and Brooke has confirmed my fears) her amazement, at my loss of confidence, her hesitation at the sore on my lip, and her trepidation of self injury from my wild bobbing as I came in for the kiss. None the less she must have shut her eyes and envisioned me as someone else and accepted the shaky, viral, slobbery kiss. I don’t think we did much more kissing that night, we didn’t do much of anything. We talked for a while and fell asleep on the couch. At least she was on the couch.

The next few weeks my lip healed, and my shake improved when I was around her again. Eventually my confidence came back and I felt more brash when sliding in for kisses. I remember many of the kisses in the first few months. Most were far more romantic and lust inspiring. Few though will ever be more memorable or thought provoking. Every time I have a wonderful day with her I think about how awesome and brave she was to have accepted that horror provoking touch. I think of the beauty our life together has entailed and hopefully will continue to be and I realize we should never judge any relationship on a first kiss.

Head Up, Heart Strong. I need a cure.

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