Better arrangment

The string of clear blue skies and cool temperatures continued today. I will admit that although we have not had much snow this year I have really appreciated the sun lit days. Today was no different. I walked Liam to school. We talked about the joy of breaking all the little bits of ice and sliding on the black ice. I know that as a dad I am supposed to be a bit more adult like but I had a fun time with Liam almost like a slightly older brother. The walk home felt a little empty without his company but I was able to plan the rest of the day out.

JIm and Gayle made it in last night. Despite the arrival at 230 they were still up and around to see the boys off. Jim even ventured with Brooke and I out for a ski. The conditions remain excellent. I continue to feel relatively well, at times even a little giddy to not be thinking of the next spot I can stop to recover. Jim even said he caught a little smile which was different from all the smiles I have flashed him this year on our wandering walks, short runs and skis. I am continually impressed by how the little actions in life can be so meaningful. I won’t deny that I am almost truly happy again. Sure, I worry and I really don’t like the idea of cancer in my life but I can say that despite missing a good deal of stuff this year, feeling pretty crappy at times, I really am starting to feel normal again.

There is a still a lot of activities I need to get involved in again to feel normal but slowly but surely I am starting to move that way. I will admit often through this year I thought I could do far more than my body would allow and I hope this sentiment now is not an overshoot of my abilities or capabilities. I am going to believe it is not and push forward. As I have said, what else is there to do.

Some other decent news today with my labs. ALthough my liver function is far from normal it is slightly better than last week. In my mind this is great because I have come down again on the immunosuppression so if the problem is GVHD my body seems to be tolerating it. Also it means I can keep coming off the meds slowly which I think could be the culprit. We will see what Dr. Lui says tomorrow as I go back for the first time in almost a month. Amazing to think I went a month without seeing a doctor (other than as a friend). I think I like this arrangement better and my guess is so does Dr. Lui.

Head Up, Heart Strong. I need a cure.


3 thoughts on “Better arrangment

  1. Hi Matt: It’s so nice to hear that you are feeling normal again, albeit a new improved normal. It gives me joy to know you are doing well. Children do odd things, who knows why but glad Liam is learning a valuable lesson. That is how we all grow and become the people we need to be!

    My very best to you and Brooke, Take care friend!

  2. While doing some work for MedX, I thought of you — and suddenly I realized that I had not seen a CaringBridge notification in a while… and my heart sank. You are one of two patients I have been following on CaringBridge, and on March 1 the other young man passed. It was not unexpected; however, we never actually do expect it. I am much relieved to find you here and to find that you are continuing this epic written journey. Though you know how good this is for you, never doubt the worth of what you are putting out into the world.

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