A gorgeous day in AK. The sun was out and there was no reason to want to stay indoors. The temperature was not as balmy as the sun would have let on but it was simply amazing.  I was up early to go with Jim and Gayle to breakfast before Gayle zipped off to Hawaii to hang out with Luke and Emily for a while. Once the rest of my family was up and about we went for a nordic ski a Kincaid which was near perfect. Liam and Finn hung out showing off their skills to Jim, Toni, and Kirby while Brooke and I got a ski in. I spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out with the Boys and Nico (here for spring break from Berkley). For a short time the Cant’s joined us. I mainly sat in the semi warmth ot the sun in the backyard. Tonight we had a wonderful dinner with Nancy, Katherine, Joe, Ashley, Toni and Kirby. A day I couldn’t really complain about.

One little issue did come up. I have to be truthful about my writing. It has been brought to my attention that I often seem quite mellow and talk of having a new perspective on little issues since I was diagnosed with Leukemia last year. I have also been told that despite my writting I may be less changed than some would expect. The fact is that I hope I am not misrepresenting myself. I have never and will never claim that I am a mellow easy going guy. I do think that there are some people who get that impression. Some readers may feel that I really do have a relaxed attitude about what I have and am going through. Well, I want to make it clear that is not always the case.

I have talked before about being angry during this process. I guess that would be expected and even a right really. I do talk often about letting little stuff in life roll off a little easier than I used to. I do think I do this but I will admit that I don’t really just ignore the little annoyance in life. In fact I would describe myself as overly reactive or maybe in a kinder light passionate about little problems. I have been accused of often overreacting to little problems. I will cop to that claim. I do. I freak out at the most tiny inconveniences on a regular basis. Yet, at the end of a day (or usually within a few minutes) I have realized the overreach of my reactions. I can often calm down, move on or try to make something more positive out of the situation. I would say what I really have learned over this last year is harboring the issues which could and do slow us down, bother us, inconvenience us or however one wants to phrase it is far more destructive than just letting out your true feelings (even if overreacting) and then readjusting the attitude to a more civilized response.

It is possible I am completely wrong in my plan of attack for these small issues. I am pretty sure if I could really just let everything slide I would be happier but I am a realist. Realistically very few people can just not be bothered by a long traffic light, a sliver in the foot, a nonfunctional airline check in kiosk when all the lines are long, or whatever… the idea is clear. So I want to make sure I haven’t made it seem as though I am calm and relaxed all the time. I am sure this attitude has caused me some odd looks at times  (cursing in front of my children is not a good way to gain fellow parent approval) but I also tend to think that I have carried a pretty darn good attitude through a lot of tough moments not only this year but in my life. Therefore as long as everyone knows then I feel like I have done my duty of disclosure. If anyone feels my overreactions are troubling so be it, I hope they can get over it because it isn’t worth worrying about what I do too much.

Head Up, Heart Strong. I need a cure.

 

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