The interesting thing about curling (yep the ice bowling sport) is that although I find it quite entertaining and fun I can not bring myself to be at all serious about it. My group has taken to having occasional curling outings over the last few years. Amazingly despite all my issues over the last year I do not think I have missed one yet. Tonight was just a random outing to the curling club we agreed on about a week ago.  I have tried to convince myself that if I was more competitive it might be more fun but when I get there I can’t help but just not care. This has to be one if not the only sporting event I have ever really been like this. Normally I am clearly trying to win whatever the event is. I would say that in the last year since Leukemia has altered my life I am less worried about the competitive outcome of most stuff but curling has always been this way.

Tonight was no different. I enjoyed being with the group who has been so helpful to me for the last 7 years and extremely helpful and supportive this last year. It was funny to watch the usual suspects getting uptight about the outcomes and even a bit more fun to watch them cringe when they didn’t fair well. Not that I like watching people cringe or struggle but when it involves a heavy stone sliding across ice while yelling “sweep” the lack of comfort is a bit comical. When we left one had yet hurt themselves in a slip and fall so I felt the night was likely a success. The entertainment was nice to draw my attention away from the lingering anxiety of my body.

I got labs drawn today which showed my liver function was about the same, 5-7 times normal levels. This would still be an indication my liver doesn’t like something going on. I mentioned last week that if the numbers were still high after increasing the immnosuppression I would claim a minor victory and state that Bactrim was the cause. After much contemplation though there is no victory and I am glad the numbers didn’t get worse but they aren’t better and that is all I really want. Whatever the cause is, and I may never really know, I just want the numbers to be improving. I have felt a bit more nauseated lately which is likely the immunosuppression but I will tolerate if I am heading down the right path. I will stop the bactrim this week to see what happens. I hate the fact I will be risking a horrible pneumonia (PCP) but I want to know if it helps.

The good news is that despite my description of the weather change and the worry that my personal forecast may have been turning more cloudy it has not. The answer as to why the liver is off is as cloudy as a puddle of muddy water but I think if I give it time it should settle out. I doubt the answer will ever be crystal clear but I would take a slightly silty appearance at this point. Despite the murky waters I am still in I enjoyed the day. The small flurries of wet snow which started the day led to a more bright afternoon. I enjoyed the curling evening despite my lack of competitive nature. I enjoyed the friends which do seem to keep my personal forecast quite bright.

Head Up, Heart Strong. I need a cure.

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