Another mellow day. I have to admit that although I like the laid back schedule I have these days I am starting to getting a little bored. I think of myself as fairly self motivated but fairly doesn’t really cut it at this stage. I say fairly because I can’t seem to really push myself to do more these days. That being said I guess given my situation doing lots more at this stage isn’t really expected. The other day I was reading a couple booklets I had been given by SCCA shortly after the transplant. I think I am doing pretty good compared to what they expect. I seem to be able to keep myself busy and I am getting more involved in my community. I will openly admit that I still really miss the routine of going to work. The stress created by my job and helping people cope with their own medical issues was stimulating and rewarding. Not to mention I could end the day feeling like I had really done something.
Today I was again on the patient side. Seattle has insisted on getting another pulmonary function test. I say it with a little disdain because as a physician and even mores so as an attending I always ask the question “is this test going to change my plan?” I guess if the results of the pulmonary function was really whacky it could change what we are doing now but I think I would have been able to sense some change with my ability to breathe during my 8 -10 mile ski daily. I think that is one of the other lessons I am going to have to remember when I do get back to being a physician. Not only listen to patients but listen to their surrounding circumstances. I understand I had a stem cell transplant and some moderate GVHD but I put myself through a legitimate stress test almost daily.
The best part of the day was not worrying about the leukemia or the ramifications of my last year but watching Liam and Finn leaping over furniture in the house. It was beautiful night and Brooke and I tried to get the boys to go skiing but gave up after it was clear the struggle would cost us the sanity Brooke would gain from a ski on her own. So after she took off the boys agreed to do some in house exercise. The main event of jumping or attempting to vault the ottoman was rather entertaining. Despite it being cold outside and one excuse the boys used for not going skiing they were both rapidly down to running around in just under ware as it was too hot inside. Normally this would be fine but of course Robbie and Charlotte stopped by and must have been a bit perplexed why my boys answered the door in essentially their skin suits. Anyway watching them run, jump, laugh, giggle and shout is still something I cherish so much more after our separation last year. Every time I get these times with them I enjoy the moment but I can’t help but spending some time just hoping that one day when they are older I can remind them of the joy it brought me, in person.
Head Up, Heart Strong. I need a cure.