The Facebook images of Alaskan families the last few days have been over joyous and dripping with sunshine. I am so happy I have been able to partake in the fun. I know that this week last year was one of anguish about being away from the boys on their birthdays so this year has been all the sweeter. I spent last night with them in the tent in the back yard. Although Liam was fast asleep by the time I traded Brooke around 10, Finn was still wide awake and jabbering along. I had a nice thirty minute peek into the wild mind of a soon to be four year old. He eventually fell asleep about which time Liam had a little semi sleep walk episode. He realized he couldn’t get out o the tent pretty quick so went to just crawling around before I settled him back down. We slept until about 530 when Liam had to pee. He made it out without waking up Finn but when he returned and started talking nonstop about the bird sounds he woke up Finn who requested to go back to his own bed. Both ended up going back to sleep one in the house and one in the tent. They essentially made it a night in a tent so I felt the mini kid adventure was a success.
The rest of the day was spent enjoying the sun, flying gliders at the park, driving remote control trucks, shooting water rockets and being a kid. Although the activities were a bit redneck for my taste they did get a lot of exercise chasing around. Enough to wear them out and put them to sleep tonight. Once they were in bed, not quite asleep, Brooke and I took advantage of Jim and Gayle one more time to get a walk in together before they left. As we walked we talked about the week and how fun it had been. We both commented on how the last 2 months have made us really hate Monday’s because of the blood draws and results. We are ready to get some good news rather than the anxiety bolstering result we have been seeing.
I find it so annoying that I so frequently in my career found myself hoping labs improved for my patients. Sometimes I hoped for improvement to prove to them and myself I was doing a good job, sometimes I just wanted them to get better, sometimes I didn’t want to have to give them bad news, but so many times I just used the results to move them on in their patient journey. I know I did not frequently enough realize how provoking the act of waiting really could be. I do know that there were times I was nervous for them and I hoped maybe that they were not nervous because they didn’t know what was about to hit them. Now I often freak out on Sunday night because I can’t be naive about the prospects but I feel so good I just can’t help feeling confident the labs will just turn around. I know is a set up for if being mowed down again if they are worse or even stable at this point. Yet there is nothing to do. In these late Sunday evenings I like thinking about what the week might hold if I was all better. I have trouble picturing the week if things look worse. I guess it is better to carry that attitude rather than let the burden of what may happen ruin my evening. Tomorrow will come soon enough and i will have to handle whatever comes my way at the time. Until then I hope to see more sun soaked Facebook families.
Head Up, Heart Strong. I need a cure.