The gusty winds which have been blowing through Anchorage seem to be pushing me around quite a bit. We have been rather busy running around doing all sorts of activities. Nothing which seems to be of big importance but enough to tire me out by the end of the day. Jim made it back to town and is again bailing me out on my employment duties. I am continuously amazed at his willingness to put up with my input. Being his second time at St. Elias hospital he has a much better handle on what needs to be done. This translated to very few calls today which makes me feel even a bit more useless but at the same time relieved that it doesn’t seem overwhelming. Yesterday was spent doing a good deal of small chores around the house and hosting the Maury clan for dinner in the evening sun of our deck.
Today I was gifted with a day with Finn. Usually he would have had school but his teacher was sick and thought it best not to have the kids around. Although this meant I didn’t have time to do the kidless adult activities I was supposed to I did get to play more. We had a hot chocolate together after biking with Liam to school. Finn was insistent on another day of mountain biking which I was not going to deny. We went to Kincaid where he biked around and I ran. I help him up the bigger hills but he still went about six miles on single track trails in about an hour. He does amazingly well for a four year old on a little bmx bike. He was very talkative the entire time. I think a good deal of the time his older brother gets more talk time so when Finn has an ear he likes to make use of it.
After the bike ride Finn continued to be in a good mood and even tolerated a few errands before heading home for lunch and a nap. I would have loved to have slept the afternoon away with him cuddled up in his dark room but I had to actually try and accomplish something. I am not sure I did actually get anything done and I would have had more fun snoozing away. I did get a chance to check on my labs though. This was decent news. Although I am a bit bummed that I am back on higher doses of cyclosporine the change does seem to be improving my liver issue. The best part was my kidney function seemed to be tolerating the higher dose still and my platelets are back into the normal range.
The fact my labs look a bit better is like a big sigh. I feel like there is a bit more breathing room again. Clearly I would like it if all the labs just normalized and I could get off the meds and move on in life but that would be far to easy. This disease isn’t easy or predictable. I would love to think with all the kid time, fun activities, and wonderful weather I could forget about Leukemia for a while, yet I know that won’t happen. There are moments I don’t think about it but the fear is always lurking around near by. I try to ignore but that is impossible and I know it now. Having even moments of freedom from the weight is nice though. I had a wonderful day with Finn, a great dinner with Brooke, the boys and Jim. Brooke and I got a little escape tonight also as Jim put the kids to bed. The wind is still whipping around outside as we lay down to sleep. I can only hope this is the real wind of change bringing back my old health, or maybe just a change from the crappy health of the last year.
Head Up, Heart Strong. I need a cure.