A day filled with an anxiety which I would not be able to classify worrisome or troublesome entirely. My early morning entailed a rather early wake up worried about the possibility Jim and Gayle didn’t make it as all the flights yesterday to Anchorage were packed to the gills with the summer crowd of newly weds, overfeds and nearly deads headed for cruise ships or fake sled dog rides. I will openly admit that the description of this crowd comes from my time around cruise ship crew members who nicely phrased the observed crowd which frequents the cruise industry. I will also admit that I have been on more than my fair share of cruises so I am probably being highly hypocritical. All that being said I was still awakened early by the thought of my parents being stuck in Seattle.
This sleep stirring worry was quickly erased when I found Jim already awake and going over patient info as he had his morning bagel. After dropping him at one hospital, my anxiety shifted slightly back to my own issue of Monday morning labs which continue to be a low in my routine. The good news is the labs did not look worse. The increased dosing of immunosuppression may finally be doing some good. Despite the return of the persistent nausea if the possibility of avoiding organ failure is the trade off I will accept the deal and slurp down the skunk smelling pills. I might not be smiling but at least I wouldn’t be using profanity as they headed towards my gut.
The next phase of my anxiety was more of a frustration. Because of my recent increasing needs of cyclosporine and an ill timed changed by my insurance carrier I have not been able to get my meds without an unneeded struggle. I have heard horror stories of these cost containment moves but this will be the first I have been lucky enough to be effected by. As we (the 300,000 plus residents of Anchorage) are in boonies we have no CVS pharmacy. This means we can use Walgreens but recently I got a nice letter stating for my convenience I would be forced to change to a mail order set up of only my cyclosporine. Sweet, they should deliver to my door and save me and the system money but wait… what is this… it takes 45 minutes to get to talk to someone anytime my dose changes and they have been saying I am asking for the meds to soon. This has lead to a number of hours (4 today) on the phone between CVS, Walgreens and my insurance to get a script that previously took a phone call from my doctor and 5 minutes at the store. Good call insurance.
My thought after this time suck was that next time I will just fore go the hassle, be a poorly compliant patient, go into liver failure, end up in the hospital need lots of new meds and see what the insurance thinks of that cost savings! Okay, maybe that is a bit to passive aggressive but I may be threatening it the next time I have to waste a good portion of day trying to be a diligent patient. I can see why so many of my trouble patients in the past just give up on the system if they are dealing with these issues.
Eventually, my frustration shifted back to anxiety but this was of a semi-ridiculous type. This elevation in heart rate and blood pressue came from watching the US soccer team deciding that one goal leads were somehow good entertainment. Gayle, Finn and I joined Jim at work to watch the game on an actual TV as I do not own one. Jim and I cringed at the sit back and absorb the onslaught approach the team took as Ghana seemingly had there way with the ball. We were flabbergasted at the lack of any ability of the US to string together more than three passes. Despite the pain of watching a one goal lead eventually wiped away only to be regained and then sat upon again we were pleased with a win. I will gladly accept this sort of anxiety. It seems a lot more manageable than Leukemia.
Head Up, Heart Strong. I need a cure.