Another busy few days. I have to admit that although I really like sharing my days with everyone that as I have been feeling relatively solid and been able to do a good deal of activities I feel like I am more bragging about what I am up to than keeping everyone informed on my progress. I guess the fact that a year ago today I was entering my first “day off” in the hospital from the ablation chemotherapy which hopefully wiped out all my own stem cells and immune system gives me a little bit of reason to boast about my recent activities. I am really glad I wrote so much down last year as I went through the process. Although I don’t often look back at my writing I know that it is there. At any moment of the day when I am feeling a bit run down or a sense of anger over the little oddities of the way I feel comes over me I can think back and if need be actually read the of the darkness I wallowed through.
I know right now someone is in those same dark spots and I wish I could reassure them it will get better but we never know, especially in those dim moments. I know that despite not everything being normal yet I am living my life. This fact alone and that I can report about it feels fantastic. Maybe for this reason I continue to write. Back then I know when I took the time to write I was using it to gather mental strength to push on. Now I am not so much crowd sourcing the love as much as showing everyone what your generous mental support has afforded me and my family…more life.
Now, I can do a little bragging of the last two days. Yesterday was a mellow day in which I spent a good deal of time working on my short talk for Stanford Med X. I am not at all worried about the public speaking part or even that I will probably be the least exciting speaker. The truth is I struggle with how do I condense all the tidbits I have gathered into 5 minutes, yep just that long. I don’t have some singular point as far as I know because I learned so much about life, suffering, what the human mind and spirit can cope with, and about the health care system. So I keep writing speeches to see if I can find something that seems strong enough to go out on stage with. I do hope it comes to me soon though.
I spent the afternoon hanging out with Finn trying not to spend to much time in the sun. I am continually amazed at our summer weather this year. I believe it is the nicest summer I remember in my years of being here. In the early evening I convinced Brooke to go surf the bore tide with me. Jim went along to check it our and Kirby was sweet enough to take Finn swimming at the pool although he really wanted to go swim in the ocean with us.
The tide ended up being not very robust and the weather was poor. None the less, Brooke and I got to hang out for a while and we did surf a short bit. The unfortunate part of the night was I was all set to use the Go Pro so I could get some footage of Brooke I some how knocked it off one of the times I fell off. Maybe that was a good loss though as I have been filling up my computer memory with videos of crazy antics which I have yet to figure out how to get edited. So I guess as with many losses along this journey I let it go and I moved on. I figured some way to spin it into a partial win (although there was a significant amount of cursing at the time).
Today was another mellow day with Finn and his buddy Adam. It is amazing that two kids the same age seem much easier to take care of. They entertained each other. I was afforded some time to look for what we can do as a family next week while we are in Seattle. I will spend the first three days in appointments and procedures (not really excited about another bone marrow biopsy). We will have a good amount of time at the end of the week to do some exploring though. So I started looking for ways to enjoy the fact we are leaving such an amazing summer here.
This evening there was a Turnagain community block party. Finn had a blast and I met some new neighborhood folks. I wish I could be a little more outgoing at these things but I get a little worried about shaking lots of hands still. Brooke then convinced me to go to another soccer game with her which was a nice exit for us from the party although Finn was not as excited.
The game was as most soccer games are to me the highlight of the day. I didn’t play much as my hemoglobin being 9 ish does not lend itself to sprinting around for very long and because I am not allowed to head the ball (wife’s orders). That being said the team we played with “the fighting squirrels” were a great bunch. I was even lucky enough to get a chance to play forward which I never do. It works pretty well with a low hemoglobin, as I didn’t have to chase back much. I even got a couple goals which is always a good feeling.
Now we are readying to go to sleep. Meds are taken, the extensive tooth care routine done, the skin check finished, and now the chance to verbally relive my day. I do not know what the future holds, we seldom do. I do know that I am quite pleased with my last few weeks. Sure there are more activities, adventures and even more tasks (like working) I would l appreciate doing but I will accept the morning cuddles with Finn, the sunny days, the calm activities I do get to participate in, even the go pro rolling around on the sea floor in the Turnagain arm.
Head Up, Heart Strong. I need a cure.