So much of my writing and thoughts thus last year and a half has been about stories of my youth, trials of my illness, and struggle to get through the unknown which comes with a severe illness. The highlight of this exercise was at the end of each day trying to tie these moments of my life into a positive reflection of a dark and scary time. Tonight as we hung out and conversed with Gen and Avi about life it was nice to point out the obvious fact that my writing doesn’t have the serious, heart wrenching passion of when I was really struggling. We are all okay with this change. I never claimed to be a writer of any talent and a normal life would be much preferred over a rough but storied tract.
All the same my passion for life has not dwindled. Over essentially a four day weekend Brooke, the boys and I have been able to create some memorable experiences and hopefully some fond memories for the boys. My ultimate hope is some day years from now one of them will blurt out “remember the vacation we took in Washington when we…” I don’t know what they will insert be it searching for sun with Val and Alex, the first real rope swing, windmill counting, debating which campsite is superior, riding through early morning vineyards, floating in icy creeks, tasting fruit at fruit stands, early morning sun in our faces, screaming hikes through tall cedars, dam building, or the multiple transitions from cold wet suits to hot warm car seats. Whatever it is it will be memorable. They will remember some tidbit I can’t even recall.
The joy of making memories with your family is what makes a family. Sure you remember the routines and the monotony of life. That alone can even be enjoyable when you look back or are faced with looking at how lucky right now can be. Yet, the memories which stand out seem always to be those created outside the normal routine. The memories of being together and exploring, of finding out who you are as a family and what can really bring you together in fun.
The last year and a half had been an exploration, a challenge, a test of what brings us together and it has created memories. These reflections will be clear and real but they will lack the misty wonder of the family vacation which so many of us have. I can now know my boys will have some of these recollections. I am sure they will not be the same images I hold dear but they will exist in the neurons and chemicals of their brains. I believe despite the occasional tear, or maybe in light of the little inconvenience, those chemicals and neuronal connections will elicit that good healthy feeling of a family. This reflection on today and the last few days is better than any story or recollection I could have ever written in the cancer canyon, even if it isn’t as entertaining.
Heads Up, Heart Strong. I need a cure.